Sunday, May 07, 2006

Kundeløs

Jimmy sidder ved hjørnebordet og skuler over sin monitor, ud på folk der går forbi banken. Siden reglerne blev lavet om og banken blev til pengeløs bank, kun med papirarbejde, er der næsten ingen kunder. Det synes Jimmy godt om. Han er den nyeste på holdet, så han er blevet henvist til det lille bord i hjørnet i bankens forreste rum. De få kunder som stadig kommer ind, kommer til Jimmy. De fleste er gamle damer han må forklare om og om igen, at de altså ikke kan hæve der mere. I går var en af dem begyndt at græde og Jimmy måtte bruge tyve minutter på at berolige hende nok til at kunne forklare, igen, hvordan hun kunne få sine penge. Bagefter havde han været så udmattet af al den kommunikation at han måtte tage en hel times frokost for at gendanne overblikket. Nu sidder han og stirrer stift gennem ruden, som om han håber med viljens kraft kan holde kunderne på sikker afstand. Udenfor. Helst langt væk. Helst helt henne i Irma. Jimmy er en frisk ung mand, med en dyr frisure han passer med billig shampoo. Han har ikke forstand på mode, så han går bare i kopier af det de andre har på. Hver dag en ny farve slips, hver anden dag en ny farve bukser, skjorten altid matchende hans sokker og hans undertøj altid matchende hans humør.

Midt i en dagdrøm om at sidde ude bagved med de andre, kommer en kunde ind. Jimmy kører halvfems grader rundt på kontorstolen og smiler kunstigt. Han spørger ikke om han kan hjælpe - det ved han at han kan. Kunden er et sted mellem fyrre og halvtreds år gammel og har mellem fyrre og halvtreds for mange kilo på bagen. Hendes hals er så tæt polstret med gentagne afteners stakkels-mig-snacks at den ligner et bildæk som er blevet spændt på. For hvert ord hun siger vibrere, nej bølger, overflødighedshornet af fedt som en elastisk hagesmæk. Jimmy afbryder talestrømmen som han slet ikke har hørt på:

"Vi kan ikke hjælpe dig her"
Damen tøver. "Jeg er ret sikker på at I stadig tager jer af lånomlægninger her"
"Nej. Vi er blevet en pengefri terminal"
"Ja, men.."
Jimmy afbryder, igen, "Nej. Vi kan ikke hjælpe dig her. Jeg synes du skal gå et andet sted hen"

Jimmy er begyndt at svede. Han kan mærke slipset stramme sig som en galge i takt med at han langsomt begynder at hyperventilere. Hver gang damen kommer med en ny indvending bævrer fedtet ustyrligt og det er nu kommet til det punkt hvor hele hendes dellede krop er bevæger sig som et californisk jordskælv. Jimmy kan mærke hans frokost rotere i mavesækken. Han tager sig reflektivt til halsen for at forsikre sig om at den stadig er normal

"VI KAN IKKE HJÆLPE DIG" råber han uden advarsel. Kvinder rykker forbavset hovedet baglæns og forårsager en ny bølge af fedtskælv. "VI KAN IKKE HJÆLPE DIG, JEG SYNES DU SKAL GÅ" "Jamen.." "UD! UD!"

Alt påstyret har endelig vækket kollegerne i baglokalet og da Jimmy begynder at råbe river de sig væk fra deres computerskærme med syvkabaler og sexchat og går i samlet flok ud til forlokalet.

Damen har tåre i øjnene. Jimmy har fråde i mundvigen. Flokken tage ét blik på situationen og forstår straks.

"Dame, du må hellere gå. Vi kan ikke hjælpe dig her." Efter fyraften giver Per en omgang til ære for Jimmy med ordene "Skål på kundeløse terminaler!"

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